


An Accidental Occurence

by Raised_By_Wolves



Category: Dangan Ronpa, Super Dangan Ronpa 2
Genre: Anonymous-Kun, Eventual relationship, Friendly banter, Humour, M/M, Mentions of other characters - Freeform, Modern AU, Non-Despair AU, Texting, many references, text au
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-01-25
Updated: 2016-06-06
Packaged: 2018-05-16 05:26:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,341
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5815909
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Raised_By_Wolves/pseuds/Raised_By_Wolves
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>What's the best way to meet someone? Do you randomly go up to a stranger and say 'hi'? Or do you meet them at school, since you're in the same classes? And of course, there's always the possibilty you could meet someone online, right? </p><p> </p><p>So what if you met someone solely because you typed in the wrong phone number?</p><p> </p><p>Hajime Hinata did.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Not The Poor Eggs!

**Author's Note:**

> Howdy there, everyone!  
> I know, I took soo long on the other An Accidental Occurence, and I'm super sorry!  
> I didn't like how it started and really didn't like where it was going, so I was stuck on a huge writers block for ages.
> 
> But I really liked the idea of a text au and I really didn't want to give it up, so I kind of decided to re-boot An Accidental Occurence! (I'll try to update it more, I promise I'll at least try).
> 
> Thank you so much to the people who all read and were so supportive on the first boot of this fanfiction, you guys seriously kept me going! You lovely little beautiful people, you!
> 
> So here we go! An Accidental Occurence: re-boot. I hope it's not too disappointing, since I tried to change a LOT from what it used to be but uh...here we go!

23rd of October, 2014

 

 

**4:56pm**  
**hey...souda? you still coming over? you were meant to be here two hours ago...and uh...i'm kind of worried about you**

 

 

4:57pm  
Ah, I apologise for any inconveniences this may have caused you, but I think you may have the wrong number! :)

 

 

**4:59pm**  
**oh! shoot, i'm really sorry about that, i guessed i must've typed it in wrong or something...**

 

 

_5:00pm_  
_Of course, no harm done. :)_  
_New phone, I take it?_

 

 

**5:03pm**  
**uhh...i guess so, maybe?**  
**i'm not sure if about a week is considered 'new' or not...**  
**i mean, i consider it new.**

 

 

_5:05pm_  
_Hmm, I suppose a week sounds fairly new..._  
_...Although don't take my word on it! I have been known to be wrong, haha!_

 

 

**5:06pm**  
**yeah, that's what i thought**  
**but...i don't know...**

 

 

_5:08pm_  
_Is there...any particular reason you think it isn't up to new standard?_

 

 

**5:10pm**  
**oh, uh, no**  
**just something a friend said**  
**but he doesn't even know what comes after the letter 'O'...**

 

 

_5:11pm_  
_Ah, I thought all kindergartens taught little kids that..._  
_Aha, I apologise, that was an incredibly biased opinion._  
_The only kindergarten I know of was my own, you see._

 

 

**5:14pm**  
**no you're right, most do**  
**well uh...most should, at least**

 

 

_5:14pm_  
_I agree! The alphabet is a very important tool in life._

 

 

**5:15pm**  
**yeah...yeah, i guess it is**  
**but now thinking about it, i don't even think he went to kindergarten...**

 

 

_5:16pm_  
_Ah? Well then, that would explain a lot, haha!_  
_Come to think of it, I know a few people myself who didn't go..._

 

 

**5:17pm**  
**i guess it's not really as common as people think.**

 

 

_5:20pm_  
_Hmm...I don't think that's it, I think it may be because many parents can't be bothered...with good reason, I suppose!_

 

 

**5:23pm**  
**...you know, that sounds pretty accurate, you're probably right.**  
**that's probably why i didn't go to kindergarten for a while, either...**

 

 

_5:25pm_  
_Oh, why thank you!_  
_Not many people believe I'm right about things, haha..._  
_This is a interesting change!_

 

 

**5:27pm**  
**i...uh...**  
**i'm not really sure what you mean??**

 

 

_5:28pm_  
_Ah! I apologise, that was my mistake._  
_What I meant to say was that many people believe me to be a constant liar, haha!_  
_Although I don't mind! I can understand why they would prefer not to hear the truth; sometimes it can be quite painful._

 

 

**5:32pm**  
**that...sounds kind of rough, actually**  
**and really...unfair.**

 

 

_5:33pm_  
_Oh! No, it's not too bad at all!_  
_Many of the things I say aren't very notable anyway; I've been known to 'ramble aimlessly' occasionally...haha..._

 

 

**5:34pm**  
**well...i thought your opinions on kindergarten were pretty noteworthy**  
**so there you go.**

 

 

_5:35pm_  
_Ah, you did?_  
_Well, thank you for that.  
I hoped that might've been the case!_

 

 

**5:38pm**  
**uh...you're welcome, i guess?**  
**but hey, i don't really think that's true, about the whole 'liar' thing...**  
**i mean, there's bound to be someone who believes you.**

 

 

_5:41pm_  
_Oh, yes, of course there is!_  
_I didn't think you would take me so seriously, haha!_  
_My two best friends know me incredibly well, so they can always tell if I'm telling the truth._

 

 

**5:43pm**  
**well then, there you go**  
**that's great!**  
**i guess i have a few best friends of my own, similar to yours, too...**  
**they're all uh...very...different, to say the least.**

 

 

_5:46pm_  
_Hahaha, I know exactly what you mean!_  
_My two friends feel like almost opposites!_  
_Makoto is very outgoing, whilst Mikan is incredibly shy. It's really quite cute sometimes, haha._

 

 

**5:48pm**  
**oh, whoaa! they sound like great people**  
**and uh...i can't say i know you very well, or...at all, really, but i'm guessing your personality would fit somewhere between theirs?**

 

 

_5:50pm_  
_What excellent deduction skills you have, anonymous-kun!_  
_Even though you were very far off, I still admire your thought!_

 

 

**5:52pm**  
**oh**  
**damn**  
**i don't get a participation award, do i??**

 

 

_5:54pm_  
_I am afraid I have nothing to offer, haha._  
_It was a good guess, though!_  
_Very well played, good job!_

 

 

**5:55pm**  
**...**  
**...**  
**why do i get the feeling that this suddenly became my pity party...**

 

 

_5:57pm_  
_Hmm...I seem to have forgotten the cake, oh dear._

 

 

**5:58pm**  
**oh no! what is a party without cake?!**  
**isn't a cake why people come to parties?!**  
**i've been deceived!**

 

 

_6:00pm_  
_Oh, woe is me!_  
_My life is a misery!_

 

 

**6:02pm**  
**oh! can't you see?**

 

 

_6:03pm_  
_That I'm at the start of a pretty big downer!_

 

 

 

**6:04pm**  
**janet!**

 

 

 

_6:04pm_  
_Doctor Scott!_

 

 

 

**6:05pm**  
**janet!**

 

 

 

_6:05pm_  
_Brad!_

 

 

 

**6:05pm**  
**rocky!**

 

 

 

_6:06pm_  
_Grrr..._

 

 

 

**6:07pm**  
**janet!**

 

 

 

_6:07pm_  
_Doctor Scott!_

 

 

 

**6:08pm**  
**janet!**

 

 

 

_6:09pm_  
_Brad!_

 

 

 

**6:09pm**  
**rocky!**

 

 

 

_6:10pm_  
_Grrr..._  
_..._  
_Did you end up finding your friend?_

 

 

**6:11pm**

**...huh?**  
**that's uh...**  
**i don't think that's in rocky horror...**

 

 

_6:13pm_  
_Oh! Hahaha, of course it isn't, silly._  
_I was asking about your friend...'Souda', was it?_

 

 

**6:15pm**  
**oh, uh, yeah, he's safe**  
**i...think he's trying to date this one girl he's been obsessing over for weeks**  
**it's not really a shock he didn't show up.**

 

 

_6:17pm_  
_Hahaha, I see...I hope it goes well for him, then?_

 

 

**6:18pm**  
**well...if i know souda, i reaaaally hope it doesn't go well**  
**like, at all**

 

 

_6:20pm_  
_Ah, well, your judgement is probably the best, haha._  
_He is a friend of yours, after all..._

 

 

**6:21pm**  
**yeah...that's true...**  
**the poor guy just doesn't realise she's really not into him, not in that way at least**  
**and he can't exactly be...easily persuaded...**

 

 

_6:24pm_  
_Ah, I see...it is one of...'those'...situations._

 

 

**6:26pm**  
**yeah...i guess it is**  
**he's completely crazy about her and everything**

 

 

_6:27pm_  
_Well, they do say that infatuation is the first stage of love!_

 

 

**6:28pm**  
**that's...true**  
**kind of hard seeing souda loving anything apart from cars, though.**

 

 

_6:30pm_  
_ Oh? I didn't picture him a vehicle enthusiast, oddly enough. _

 

 

**6:32pm**  
**he uh...smells like motor oil and is constantly covered in grease stains**  
**is that vehicle enthusiastic enough for you?**

 

 

_6:34pm_  
_Hahaha, that must be awful!_

 

 

**6:34pm**  
**it really really REALLY is**  
**especially when you're trying to eat...**

 

 

 

 

 

_6:35pm_  
_...He doesn't have a beard, does he?_

 

 

 

**6:35pm**  
**wha-**  
**np b**  
**npwsy**

 

 

 

_6:37pm_  
_Are you...okay over there? Haha..._

 

 

 

**6:38pm**  
**yrs**

 

 

 

_6:39pm_  
_I didn't offend you in any way, did I?_

 

 

 

**6:41pm**  
**cabt syop layghing**  
**ih gpd**

 

 

 

_6:42pm_  
_I can't say I understand what you're saying._

 

 

 

**6:45pm**  
**sirrt sirry**  
**jist souda with a besrd**  
**o csnt beeathe**

 

 

 

_6:46pm_  
_Ah, will you need a hospital, perhaps?_

 

 

 

**6:47pm**  
**hahahahaha**  
**ah, sorry, i'm good now**  
**...i think**

 

 

_6:50pm_  
_I...suppose he's definitely not the type to suit a beard, then?_

 

 

**6:52pm**  
**no way, not a single chance**  
**he doesn't even let his leg hair grow out, there's seriously no hope for a beard at all.**

 

 

_6:54pm_  
_Ah, ahahaha, my mistake!_

 

 

**7:00pm**  
**no worries, you're all good.**

 

 

_7:03pm_  
_Well...as...fascinating as this has been, I'm afraid I have to leave._  
_I have an appointment arranged._

 

 

**7:04pm**  
**oh**  
**oh yeah, that's cool**  
**good luck with your appointment!**

 

 

_7:06pm_  
_Thank you!_  
_Although I'll doubt I'll need it, haha._

 

 

**7:08pm**  
**sure you will**  
**and i don't suppose i'm getting that pity cake anytime soon...right?**  
**i was really looking forward to that.**  
**:-(**

 

 

 _10:07pm_  
  
_Good?_

**10:08pm**  
**perfect**

 

 

 

  
27th of October, 2014

 

 

 

 

**12:34pm**  
**is this the real life?**  
**is this just fantasy?**  
**caught in a landsliiiide**  
**no es-cape-from-re-a-li-ty**

 

 

_12:38pm_  
_Open your eyes!_  
_Look to the skies, and see!_

 

 

**12:40pm**  
**i'm just a poor boy, i need no sympathy**  
**because i'm**

 

 

_12:41pm_  
_Easy come..._

 

 

**12:41pm**  
**easy go**

 

 

_12:43pm_  
_Little high..._

 

 

**12:44pm**  
**little low**

 

 

_12:45pm_  
_Any way the wind blows, doesn't really matter..._  
_Toooo me!_

 

 

**12:46pm**  
**to me**

 

 

_12:48pm_  
_We haven't spoken in a while, anonymous-kun..._

 

 

**12:50pm**  
**i know!**  
**that bohemian rhapsody was my uh...apology**  
**and uh...my apology for the fact that i uh...**  
**kind of...forgot...about you...**  
**i didn't mean to! i was just...busy with things.**

 

 

_12:52pm_  
_Ahh, that would make very much sense._  
_Although I must admit, I did believe the reason was that you found me to be very annoying, haha!_  
_But I can see why I'm easily forgettable!_

 

 

**12:54pm**  
**oh! no, not at all**  
**you're actually...pretty fun to talk to**  
**even if you may be a creepy old guy...**

 

 

_12:55pm_  
_Well, you never know, I could be!_  
_I could also be a serial killer, a deranged psychopath, a supernatural being, a theif, or a baker!_  
_You wouldn't know._

 

 

**12:57pm**  
**oh no...**  
**...oh no...**  
**oh no..**  
**...i really hope you aren't a baker**  
**bakers are flour killers!**

 

 

_12:58pm_  
_Ah, i see...and what if it happens to be that I am a baker?_

 

 

**1:00pm**  
**oh, dear!**  
**save the poor flour!**  
**spare the eggs, too, they didn't do anything wrong!**

 

 

_1:02pm_  
_Wrong!_  
_Those eggs are the reason I look back on my childhood with despair!_  
_They have to be exterminated!_

 

 

**1:03pm**  
**you...**  
**you monster!**

 

 

_1:03pm_  
_Those eggs are the true monsters, here._  
_Not I._

 

 

**1:04pm**  
**noooooo!**

 

 

_1:06pm_  
_Oh, YES!  
Very delicious._

 

 

**1:08pm**  
**for some reason, i don't think you're a creepy stalker anymore**  
**could be a serial killer**  
**but definitely not a creep**

 

 

_1:10pm_  
_Is that so?_  
_Those are some nice bedsheets, by the way._  
_Nice hair you have, too._

 

 

**1:12pm**  
**oh, boy  
i bet they are**

 

 

_1:13pm_  
_What nice wall paint you have too!_  
_How very green, how very unusual._

 

 

**1:14pm**  
**whoops, forgot i needed to paint over that**  
**kinda gets boring after a while**

 

 

_1:15pm_  
_Oh, no, anon-kun! Don't you know that cream carpet stains very easily?_

 

 

**1:16pm**  
**i can't believe you're still calling me 'kun', you can see that i'm a girl, right?**

 

 

_1:16pm_  
_Nope!_  
_You are 100% male._  
_It is quite...obvious._

 

 

**1:18pm**  
**oh, shoot! i forgot to put on clothes!**

 

 

_1:20pm_  
_You have incredible self confidence, anon-kun._  
_Having the window this open whilst wearing your birthday suit is quite admirable in a  
...very strange way..._

 

 

**1:22pm**  
**i don't know what to say**  
**i'm a very open guy.**

 

 

_1:24pm_  
_Ah, so you are indeed male!_  
_The baker detective has succeeded once more._

 

 

**1:25pm**  
**whoops, you got me!**  
**damn it**  
**and you're a detective now too, are you?**

 

 

_1:26pm_  
_Why, of course!_  
_Always have been._  
_A better detective than Detective Dick Gumshoe!_

 

 

**1:28pm**  
**...**  
**...every...**  
**...detective is better than dick gumshoe...**

 

 

_1:30pm_  
_Hm...I see your point._  
_Although he does find quite useful evidence in several cases, so not entirely useless!_

 

 

**1:32pm**  
**and, well...i'm actually at school, not home**  
**and last time i checked, i definitely didn't live at a school**  
**i guess you don't make a very good detective at all.**

 

 

_1:35pm_  
_Ah, I knew it all along!_  
_All that investigating was to put you off-scent._

 

 

**1:37pm**  
**oh, you definitely put me off-scent, i think i have to give you credit for that.**

 

 

_1:38pm_  
_A trophy would be nice, too._  
_Now get back on track with your schoolwork, anon-kun.  
Then we'll see about getting you your own trophy._

 

 

**1:40pm**  
**shh, i'm trying!**  
**stop buzzing or i'll have to turn you off.**

 

 

_1:50pm_  
_Bzzt._

 

 

 

 

//////////////////////////////////////////////////////

 

 

 

 

**8:00pm**  
**that was...a terrible monday.**

 

 

_8:01pm_  
_I am very sorry to hear that._  
_My messages probably didn't help much either, haha..._  
_I'm never of much use anyway!_

 

 

**8:03pm**  
**no no, they were nice, actually**  
**but getting whacked with a tennis racquet in the head is not nice**  
**i think i have brain damage.**

 

 

_8:05pm_  
_Oo, ouch..._

 

 

**8:06pm**  
**exactly.**

 

 

_8:08pm_  
_I hope tomorrow will be better!_

 

 

**8:09pm**  
**well...at least it won't be a monday.**

 

 

_8:11pm_  
_Ah yes, I suppose that is very true._  
_Mondays do tend to feel like they go on for ages._

 

 

**8:13pm**  
**yeah, i know exactly what you mean**  
**damn mondays.**

 

 

_8:15pm_  
_Damn Mondays._

 

 

**8:17pm**  
**i'm uh...**  
**i'm guessing you don't go to school, right?**  
**or you're homeschooled?  
unless you dropped out...which is...alright too, i guess.**

 

 

_8:20pm_  
_Oh, no, I do go to school!_  
_That's how I met my friends, actually._  
_I didn't have to go today, however, as my bad luck struck me with a terrible cold this weekend, haha._  
  


 

 

**8:22pm**  
**oh...that, uh...that's really gotta suck**  
**you probably had a worse monday than I did hahaha.**

 

 

_8:24pm_  
_It wasn't too bad, really._  
_Most of the time was either relaxing or sleeping to get better! Haha._  
_The blocked nose was a little annoying, though..._

 

 

**8:25pm**  
**man, i hate blocked noses**  
**it's like your own nose wants to stop you from breathing**

 

 

_8:27pm_  
_Perhaps noses have secret malicious intent._

 

 

**8:28pm**  
**watch out, the nose apocalypse is coming!**

 

 

_8:30pm_  
_Hahaha_  
_Although...I wonder what that would actually be like..._

 

 

**8:31pm**  
**i pictured it as noses falling off of people's faces and attacking them, if that helps.**

 

 

_8:32pm_  
_Ah yes, I have a wonderful image of that in my head now, thank you._  
_Attack On Noses_

 

 

**8:35pm**  
**sie sind das noses und wir sin die jager!**

 

 

 

_8:36pm_  
_Shame on you, Anon-kun._

 

 

 

**8:40pm**  
**fumareta hana no**  
**namae no shirazu ni**

 

 

 

_8:41pm_  
_I finally agree, this is the worst Monday._

 

 

 

**8:45pm**  
**chi ni ochita tori wa**  
**kaze wo machiwabiru**

 

 

 

_8:46pm_  
_This must be more of my bad luck kicking in..._

 

 

 

**8:48pm**  
**inotta tokoro de**  
**nani mo kawaranai**  
**imo wo kaeru no wa**  
**tatakau kakugo da...**

 

 

 

_8:50pm_  
_You may be getting some of the lyrics wrong._

 

 

 

**8:51pm**  
**shikabane fumikoete**  
**susumu ishi wo**  
**warau buta yo**

 

 

 

_8:52pm_  
_This is pure agony._

 

 

 

**8:54pm**  
**kachiku no annei**  
**...kyogi no han'ei**  
**...shiseru garou jiyuu wo!**

 

 

 

_9:00pm_  
_What a cruel punishment_  
  


 

 

28th of October, 2014

 

 

 

_6:00am_  
_Good morning, Anon-kun!_  
_This is your wake up alarm!_  
_Time to get up for a bright, new, hopeful day!_  
_School is awaiting!_  
_Your future is present!_  
_So, wakey-wakey sleepyhead!_

 

 

**6:02am**  
**i'm awake, alright?! i'm up!**  
**i'm ready to go, hooray, new day, okay?!**  
**just please**  
**PLEASE**  
**stop**

 

 

_6:03am_  
_Ah, I'm very glad to see my revenge plot was a wonderful success._

 

 

**6:04am**  
**you...**  
**...crap, you got me**  
**i've got nothing.**

 

 

_6:06am_  
_I believe I won this round, anon-kun._

 

 

**6:07am**  
**this isn't over.**

 

 

_6:08am_  
_Oh, is that right?_

 

 

**6:10am**  
**you're gonna pay for this so bad**  
**even if i have to send you guren no yumiya until  i get sick of it, too.**

 

 

_6:11am_  
_Now thinking about it, that wasn't too bad._  
_Kind of a nice tune, I suppose._

 

 

**6:13am**  
**SIE SIND DAS ESSEN WIR SIN DIE JAGER!**

 

 

_6:15am_  
_You're awfully cruel._

 

 

**6:16am**  
**you know you could always block this number, right?**

 

 

_6:16am_  
_Never!_

 

 

**6:18am**  
**fumareta hana no...**

 

 

 

 

 

_6:19am_  
_..._  
_..._  
_..._

 

 

 

 

 

**6:21am**  
**...?**

 

 

 

 

 

_6:23am_  
_Consider yourself blocked._


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Soup, cakes, plus a obsessed emoji Souda on the loose. As well as a Hinata who doesn't want to go to school and a Ko who is revelling in not attending. :')

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I AM SUPER SORRY FOR NOT UPDATING FOR LIKE EVER!!  
> This chapter has been sitting in my phone for a while and I realised kind of "oh yeah...I should probably...update??"  
> But I'm really really sorry!! I'll hopefully try and update faster next time, way way faster, but I totally can't make any promises... :(
> 
> I really hope this chapter makes up for it!! Sorry if it's a bit out of character, and thank you so much for all the lovely comments, bookmarks, kudos and reads! You guys mean the world!!

_30th of October, 2014_

 

 **9:02am**  
**i don't want to go to school**  
**i just wanna break the rules**  
**doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo**

 

_9:03am  
I don't have to go to school.  
Therefore I can't break the rules.  
Doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo._

 

**9:05am  
still sick?**

 

_9:06am  
I'm afraid so.  
My immune system doesn't work very well, you see, so it takes me longer than usual to get back to health._

 

**9:06am  
...oh  
that's awful.**

 

_9:08am  
Ah, it's really not too bad.  
You get used to it after a while._

 

**9:09am  
i...  
i...guess so...?**

 

_9:11am  
Although you are right, it is quite a pain to suffer._

 

**9:12am  
have you had any soup?**

 

 _9:14am_  
_Soup?_

 

 **9:15am**  
**yeah!**  
**you know, chicken soup, pumpkin soup vegetable soup potato and leek soup?**

 

 _9:16am_  
_I can't say that I've tried that..._  
_I don't eat soup very much._

 

 **9:18am**  
** **  
**just for you!**

 

 _9:20am_  
_Ah, you're too kind._  
_Too kind._

 

 **9:21am**  
**welcome**  
**seriously though, chicken noodle soup always makes me feel better.**

 

 _9:22am_  
_Hm, I'll definitely have to give it a try then._

 

 **9:22am**  
**oh!**  
**and remember to ask your mom for bread in it**  
**bread always makes it taste better.**

 

_9:24am_

_...I'll think about it, haha._  
_I'm not a very big fan of soup, you see._

 

 **9:26am**  
**oh**  
**oh yeah, that's fine**  
**i heard herbal tea can work just as well.**

 

 _9:27am_  
_You're quite right, it is supposed to._  
_However, I've probably drunk too much tea by now for it to have any positive effects...haha._

 

 **9:28am**  
**i don't get you**

 

 _9:28am_  
_Hm?_

 

 **9:31am**  
**so...you don't like soup, but you like tea??**

 

 _9:32am_  
_Yes, that's correct._

 

 **9:34am**  
**but doesn't tea just taste like water with leaves??**  
**soup at least has a flavour to it.**

 

 _9:35am_  
_Of course not! Every tea is very different, very different flavours!_  
_Though I can see why how tea isn't for everyone._

 

 **9:36am**  
**...and your thoughts on soup?**

 

 _9:38am_  
_Well...there really isn't much else I can say._  
_I suppose I just don't like the texture of many soups?_

 

 **9:39am**  
**...**  
**fair enough**  
**if you don't like something, you don't like something, right?**

 

 _9:41am_  
_Very true, anon-kun!_  
_Just like how I may dislike Justin Beiber, but you may like him._

 

 **9:42am**  
**no way!**  
**not at all**  
**...but i think his last name is spelt 'bieber'**

 

 _9:43am_  
_Oh? I thought it was spelt 'beaver'._

 

 **9:45am**  
**i don't know**  
**could be beanbar**

 

 _9:46am_  
_No hard feelings, Justclean Thebath._

 

 **9:47am**  
**that's...really great, actually**

 

 _9:50am_  
_...Do you really think so?_

 

 **9:52am**  


 

 _10:00am_  
_Knew it._

 

 **10:02am**  
**for your very special pity party, you've received an extra prize!**

 

 _10:03am_  
_Go on..._

 

 **10:05am**  
**you get a complimentary pity piñata and a pity balloon**  
**...which i would send if i could**

 

 _10:06am_  
_That's very sweet of you, Anon-kun._

 

 **10:08am**  
**hey, i'm a very sweet guy**

 

 _10:09am_  
_Oh, I never said anything like that._

 

 **10:10am**  
**after i threw a nice pity party for you**

 

 _10:12am_  
_I'll admit, it was a nice party..._  
_Although your cake wasn't a very original idea._

 

 **10:13am**  
**i don't know what you're talking about**

 

 _10:15am_  
_If you say so, you petty criminal._

 

 **10:16am**  
**me?  a criminal?  
never**

 

 _10:18am_  
_I'm calling the cops presently._

 

 **10:19am**  
**how much you want?**

 

 _10:21am_  
_$1,000_

 

 **10:22am**  
**i can give you...$10?**

 

 _10:24am_  
_That'll work._

 

 **10:25am**  
**phew**

 

 _10:27am_  
_Throw in a pity cake, too?_

 

 **10:28am**  
  
**of course**

 

 _10:30am_  
_Delicious!_

 

 **10:31am**  
**pity cake's getting a bit old**

 

 _10:33am_  
_I'm glad you agree._

 

 **10:33am**  
**they just grow up so fast**

 

 _10:34am_  
_We won't be parents anymore, Anon-kun!_

 

 **10:35am**  
**soon they'll be leaving for college**  
**and then out of the house...**  
**alone in the world...**

 

 _10:37am_  
_Oh, it's too tragic to think about!_

 

 **10:38am**  
**i'm sure they'll remember we're always their parents**

 

 _10:39am_  
_I hope so._  
_We'll have to make sure they'll visit for Easter and Christmas._

 

 **10:41am**  
**really?**  
**i was happy about buying our child no more presents...**

 

 _10:41am_  
_You make a despicable parent._

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

10:46am  
hinataaaaaaaaa!!! (´･Д･)」

 

 **10:47am**  
**soudaaaaa.**

 

10:47am  
u got a grill & u didnt tell meeeee?? （；￣ェ￣）

 

 **10:48am**  
**i don't remember buying a grill...**

 

10:49am  
no waay!  
u bought her?! (ﾟoﾟ;;

 

 **10:50am**  
**i...really don't understand what you're trying to say**

 

10:51am  
o  
i ment girl (^_^;)

 

 **10:51am**  
**what?**  
**and those faces are creepy**

 

10:52am  
( ；´Д｀)

 

 **10:53am**  
**stop.**

 

10:53am  
there not creepy!!  
there cute (=^ェ^=) like animals  
i lov animals!!

 

 **10:55am**  
**i...okay.**

 

10:56am  
so cmon hinataaaa!  
tell me what shes like!

 

 **10:57am**  
**who?**

 

10:57am  
the girl u were talking to

 

 **10:58am**  
**what girl?**  
**look souda, you're gonna get us both caught.**

 

11:00am  
the 1 u were just messaging!

 

 **11:01am**  
**??????????**

 

11:02am  
ur so dumb hinata  
u kno the 1 u kept smiling at as u looked at your phone

 

 **11:04am**  
**ohhhhh, now i get it**  
**nah, that wasn't a girl.**

 

11:05am  
dont lie 2 me  
ur having a secret lovers affair!

 

 **11:06am**  
**i'm really not**  
**honestly, it's just this person i met once**

 

11:07am  
o  
whats there name?

 

 **11:08am**  
**it's...something?**

 

11:08am  
hajimeeeee

 

 **11:09am**  
**i actually don't know, okay?**  
**it could be a girl or a guy or an alien and i really don't know.**

 

11:10am  
?

 

 **11:10am**  
**i know how weird it sounds, trust me.**

 

11:12am  
so...  
u dont have a girl?

 

 **11:13am**  
**no, i don't.**

 

11:14am  
u couldve just said that!  
this entire chat has been stupid now (´･Д･)」

 

 **11:15am**  
**i'm glad you regard our friendship so highly.**

 

11:16am  
(つД`)ノ  
(*｀へ´*)  
Σ(￣。￣ﾉ)ﾉ

 

 **11:17am**  
**stop.**

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 _7:34pm_  
_I may have tried that chicken noodle soup..._

 

 **7:35pm**  
**did you remember the bread?**

 

 _7:35pm_  
_Of course._

 

 **7:36pm**  
**aaaaand...?**

 

 _7:37pm_  
_You were right, it made me feel a lot better._

 

 **7:37pm**  
**aaaaaaaaaaaaaand?**

 

 _7:38pm_  
_...I have to admit, it wasn't too bad._  
_The bread did make it much more enjoyable._

 

 **7:39pm**  
**not to say i told you so**  
**but**  
**i definitely told you so.**

 

 _7:41pm_  
_You certainly did._  
_Thank you, Anon-kun._

 

 **7:41pm**  
**you don't need to thank me...**  
**so now you'll be able to go back to school, right??**

 

 _7:42pm_  
_Oh, I doubt that, though I do think it'll speed up my recovery process._

 

 **7:43pm**  
**well...at least that's something.**

 

 _7:44pm_  
_You're quite right._

 

 **7:45pm**  
**really?**  
**most of the time i'm 'quite left'.**

 

 _7:45pm_  
_That must make me 'quite up'._

 

 **7:46pm**  
**nah, you can be 'quite down' sometimes.**

 

 _7:46pm_  
_I am known to be a downer on occasion, that's true._

 

 **7:47pm**  
**and here i was thinking you were the cheeriest guy of the lot.**

 

 _7:48pm_  
_Why, of course I am, Anon-kun!_  
_Far cheerier than a happy clown._

 

 **7:50pm**  
**that...gave me a great mental image.**

 

7:51pm  
You're very welcome.

 

 **7:52pm**  
**i'm literally crying**

 

 _5:53pm_  
_Ah, tears of joy._

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

  
_31st of October 2014_

 

 **7:32am**  
**T G I F**  
**T G I F**  
**T G I F**

 

 _7:34am_  
_'TGIF'?_

 

 **7:35am**  
**thank google it's friday**

 

 _7:36am_  
_Thank you, great lord of Google._

 

 **7:36am**  
**thank you google**

 

 _7:37am_  
_Thank you, Google._

 

 **7:38am**  
**i mean, we do have a lot to thank google for**  
**if you think about it.**

 

 _7:38am_  
_Hmm...I suppose that's true._  
_Google is the best search engine out there._

 

 **7:39am**  
**definitely**  
**i wouldn't trust any other**

 

 _7:39am_  
_What if I were a search engine?_

 

 **7:40am**  
**how to fake sick**

 

 _7:41am_  
_Showing results 1 out of 36:_  
_DontFakeYourIllness.com_  
_Why shouldn't you fake sick?...leads to laziness...scientifically proven..._

 

 **7:42am**  
**worst search engine ever**

 

 _7:42am_  
_Did you mean 'Bing'?_  
_Showing results 7 to 103 for Bing._

 

 **7:43am**  
**yep, i was right**  
**i definitely prefer google**

 

 _7:44am_  
_Showing results 10 to 30,000 for Asshole._  
_Anonkunisanasshole.com_  
_Do you know someone whose an asshole? Why is anon-kun an asshole?_

 

 **7:45am**  
**this search engine is really mean.**

 

 _7:46am_  
_Showing results 1 to 16 for Thank You._

 

 **7:47am**  
**showing results 1 to 3 for you're welcome**

 

 _7:47am_  
_What's for breakfast?_

 

 **7:48am**  
**huh?**  
**i thought you were the cook in this relationship.**

 

 _7:49am_  
_I'm taking a different career path._  
_I want to be a bus driver._

 

 **7:51am**  
**we're gonna be broke!**

 

 _7:51am_  
_Not if I'm the best bus driver around._

 

 **7:52am**  
**but you're not.**

 

 _7:53am_  
_Your lack of faith hurts, Anon-kun._

 

 **7:53am**  
**worser bus driver than the search engine.**

 

 _7:55am_  
_I do make quite the search engine..._

 

 **7:56am**  
**oh yeah?**

 

 _7:57am_  
_Oh yeah._

 

 **8:00am**  
**french toast cinnamon whipped cream and strawberries**  
**that's breakfast**

 

 _8:01am_  
_Delicious._

 

 **8:03am**  
**why thank you**

 

 _8:06am_  
_7 out of 10._

 

 **8:07am**  
**only a measly seven??**

 

 _8:10am_  
_Your ice-cream is melted, the strawberries are too small and the toast is overcooked._

 

 **8:12am**  
**that wasn't ice-cream**  
**it was whipped cream**

 

 _8:13am_  
_It was awful._

 

 **8:14am**  
**but i home made that!**

 

 _8:16am_  
_It was wonderful effort..._  
_...but sadly, it wasn't enough for me._  
_You are out of the competition._

 

 **8:20am**  
**never cooking for you again**  
**you can be the housewife in this relationship**

 

 _8:22am_  
_I'm afraid I don't know how, Anon-kun._  
_You make such a great housewife, I couldn't compare!_

 

 **8:23am**  
**hmph**

 

 _8:23am_  
_House-wife of the year award?_

 

 **8:24am**  
**okay fine**  
**take your shitty lunch**

 

 _8:26am_  
_Oh, thank-you, Anon-kun!_  
_Such a kind soul to me..._

 

 **8:27am**  
**yeah yeah yeah**  
**have a nice day**

 

 _8:28am_  
_I will, definitely!_  
_Don't forget to wash the dishes!_

 

 **8:28am**  
**yes of course**  
**ill make sure you get a good dinner too, love**

 

 _8:30am_  
_Can't wait!_

 

 **8:32am**  
**itll knock your socks off**

 

 _8:34am_  
_Ah, before I leave..._

 

 **8:35am**  
**yes?**

 

 _8:36am_  
_Whatever did you pack for me in my lunch box?_

 

 **8:37am**  
**two-week year old fried rice**

 

 _8:40am_  
_...Sounds delicious!_

 

 **8:43am**  
**you're so sweet**  
**have a nice day!!**

 

 _8:45am_  
_Thank you, Anon-kun, I'll try_

 

 **8:47am**  
**xx**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So out of character I'm so rry they're nerds

**Author's Note:**

> My portrayal of these two dorks are so weird...  
> Ko's always a guy who talks really fancy but hates on himself a fair amount, poor guy... and Hinata's always kind of chill and...aloof, a lot of the time? Eh, I hope it's not too weird!
> 
> Bold: Hajime Hinata  
> Italic: Nagito Komaeda  
> Normal: Kazuichi Souda


End file.
